A Revolution for Which No One Was Waiting

So, carpet, right? It’s a pain in the tuckus to have to vacuum it on the reg, but it’s certainly a lot better than mowing the lawn. Having vacuumed literally hundreds of times in my life, I can say that I’ve never so much as broken a sweat, let alone dreamed of the day when someone would spend untold thousands of dollars on research and development to make vacuuming easier.

So my question is: Just how hard do these clowns think vacuuming is?

Now, I can appreciate whatever the H-E-double-stuff-Oreo kind of technology they use to make their vacuums suck more (one of the few industries in which your product sucking is a good thing). That’s really the gist of vacuuming, after all; to suck up all the junk that’s gotten into your carpet.

But the stupid “ball” technology they put so much stock in, and the negative-eight-pounds or whatever their little handheld vacuum thingers weigh, not so much. Again, vacuuming ISN’T HARD TO BEGIN WITH. At all. So why work so dang hard to make it easier.

Some people clearly have waaay too much time on their hands, and waaay too much money to waste on stupid things like “creating the perfect vacuum.” I wish these guys would create the perfect shut the hell up instead.

What’s All Dis, Then?!?

Not too terribly long ago, I found my way through the infinitely interconnected internet to a website that was shucking “quick connect” fittings. Last night, through a completely different series of clicks and links and jumps (well, probably completely different, anyway—I don’t keep track), I found myself back at that same website, but on a different page.

This page was promoting the company’s “quick disconnect” products. Quick connect and quick disconnect, to my sleep deprived mind, seem to go 100% hand in hand—if something connects quickly, doesn’t it stand to reason that it would also disconnect quickly? (And vice versa.)

However, in thinking about it a bit more, I determined that maybe this isn’t the case. There are, I realized, plenty of things that go one way quickly, but are much slower on the way back (and vice versa).

For example, say your shoelaces are giving you sass, so you double knot them. This is a pretty quick process, just an extra loop swoop, really. But untying a double is not that easy. (See what I did there?) Locking the door to one’s house on the way out takes but a fraction of an instant, but unlocking that door takes considerably longer—pull out your keys, select the right one, slip it in the keyhole, turn.

So, perchance a quick connect and a quick disconnect aren’t necessarily one and the same. There could well be safety features in each that make connecting or disconnecting a more involved process, to prevent accidental disconnection or… well, accidental connection doesn’t seem like it would be possible, really. But still, you see where I’m going with this, yes?

I couldn’t find out, via the website, if there is such a thing as a quick connect/disconnect, i.e. something that connects quickly and disconnects in the same way. It stands to reason that there would be, but what do I know? I wasn’t even aware that a quick connect and a quick disconnect weren’t the same thing until like 20 minutes ago.