Electrical Equipment, or Evil Robot Ding Dongs?

One of the (many) problems of nigh constant insomnia is the astonishing level of punch drunkenness one reaches after a certain number of hours. When you’re as loopy as I often am after two or three straight sleepless nights, things start to look, shall we say, a bit askew.

Recently, my incessant internet inquisitions lead me to a site that sells toroidal power transformers. I really have no clue how these things work—the webpage said something about “lowest radiated magnetic fields” and “1,000 volts hipot,” but that doesn’t really clear things up. I have some inkling of what power transformers do, but what the H-E-double-stuff-Oreo “toroidal” means, I haven’t a clue (I’d look it up, but Google is all the way over there).

Anyway, the function of these devices isn’t what got my goose in a gander, it’s the form. Take a look:

The stuff of nightmares, this.

The stuff of nightmares, this.

And that’s one of the more mild-looking ones. These suckers look like someone took a good old, all ‘Merican Hostess Ding Dong and crossed it with one of those little robots that crawled into Keanu Reeves’ belly-button in The Matrix.

At this point, not only could I not sleep, I was also feeling goofy and borderline hallucinatory enough to be terrified of just such a thing as I described above. And, since the only thing that keeps me from falling over when I’m battling the arch nemesis that is my insomnia is sugary baked goods not unlike those peddled by the Hostess folks, I was nearly starved out by the time I actually did get some sleep.

So, thanks a lot, guy who designs toroidal power transformers. You’ve ruined snack cakes for me, possibly forever. How do you live with yourself? HOW???

Human Lawyer > Internet Robot Lawyer

So, I know I keep harping on this, but, really, this is one of the most bizarre “services” I’ve ever seen offered on the interwebs…

Imagine, if you will, that you’re not only unfortunate enough to live in Michigan (Go Bears!) but that you also have done something stupid and lost your driver’s license. Is the internet really the best place to look for help in getting it back?

I know that the ol’ World Wide Web has basically taken the need for any actual human interaction right out of the equation of modern life—and, believe me, no one appreciates that more than me, because everyone in the world is, in a nutshell, awful—but online legal help, really?

“Dang, dude. I just lost my driver’s license. Better hit up teh Googz and see if any one can help me get that schwa unrevoked.” Has anyone ever thought that was a good idea? I’m pretty sure lawyers are best dealt with mano a mano.

From the miniscule amount of research I was willing to do on this subject (which mostly involved reading the info on the website I stumbled upon), I did discover that Michigan has some of the toughest traffic laws in the country. And that Michigan license restoration is not a walk in the park (you have to go before some sort of fancy-pants committee and all that jibber-jabber). But come on, man. Get yourself a lawyer the old fashioned way.*

* It should be noted that I really have no idea what “the old fashioned way” of getting a lawyer actually is. I do, however, know that it doesn’t involve the intronets.