One of the (many) problems of nigh constant insomnia is the astonishing level of punch drunkenness one reaches after a certain number of hours. When you’re as loopy as I often am after two or three straight sleepless nights, things start to look, shall we say, a bit askew.
Recently, my incessant internet inquisitions lead me to a site that sells toroidal power transformers. I really have no clue how these things work—the webpage said something about “lowest radiated magnetic fields” and “1,000 volts hipot,” but that doesn’t really clear things up. I have some inkling of what power transformers do, but what the H-E-double-stuff-Oreo “toroidal” means, I haven’t a clue (I’d look it up, but Google is all the way over there).
Anyway, the function of these devices isn’t what got my goose in a gander, it’s the form. Take a look:
And that’s one of the more mild-looking ones. These suckers look like someone took a good old, all ‘Merican Hostess Ding Dong and crossed it with one of those little robots that crawled into Keanu Reeves’ belly-button in The Matrix.
At this point, not only could I not sleep, I was also feeling goofy and borderline hallucinatory enough to be terrified of just such a thing as I described above. And, since the only thing that keeps me from falling over when I’m battling the arch nemesis that is my insomnia is sugary baked goods not unlike those peddled by the Hostess folks, I was nearly starved out by the time I actually did get some sleep.
So, thanks a lot, guy who designs toroidal power transformers. You’ve ruined snack cakes for me, possibly forever. How do you live with yourself? HOW???