The Worst Idea Since “Beast Wars”

Full disclosure: I didn’t take the time to find out what the devices I’m writing about here actually do. Sometimes it’s better to remain blissfully ignorant—it can be much easier to make this stuff up if I don’t bother with, you know, “learning” and stuff.

In my incessant, insomniac internet inspection, I discovered a gizmo called a “switch mode transformer.” I can only assume this is some kind of new action figure, upon which another installment of that gods-awful film franchise will be based. Since it’s “switch mode,” perhaps they operate kind of like a switch blade knife: just push a button and the whole thing transforms itself in a flash. That might actually be pretty impressive, but then dagnabbit, why didn’t they think of that 20-something years ago when I was rockin’ Transformers?

That is a heck of a...thing (?) all right.

It’s hard to say what this would transform into, however. Presumably a vaguely human-shaped mechanoid, of course, but don’t Transformers usually start out looking like something other than, um, a weird, jacked-up battery (?)?

You know what, Hasbro, I take back what I wrote before. If this is the best you can do with your fancy Switch Mode Transformers, then I was wrong—this is not very impressive at all. This is, in fact, the worst idea since “Beast Wars” Transformers. And those were pretty awful.