Who’re You Callin’ A Mass Flow Meter?

So, you know how sometimes you come across a word or phrase that just inherently sounds funny, and no amount of explanation or knowledge of what it actually means will cancel out the initially humorousness of the word or phrase itself? Even if I was sick, for example, and the doctor said, “I’m sorry, Kev Dog, but you’ve got rectal cancer,” I’d be so busy giggling about the doctor having said “rectal” that the “cancer” part wouldn’t even register until it literally killed me. “Oh yeah, cancer. *gaaaack*

Well, so it is with “mass flow meters.” Discovered on another of the completely random websites I come discover on one of my incessant insomniac internet inroads, this sounds too much like a certain popular “blue” phrase. (The first two words do, anyway.) Now, even though I actually took the time to peruse the site and read what mass flow meters actually are and what they do, I still can’t say that string of words with a straight face.

I actually tried it out over my Xbone headset last night whilst squaring off against my cousin Paulie on a game of Madden. For our dear ol’ Granny’s sake (and at our mothers’ behest), Paulie and I are making an effort to use less foul language around the holidays this year, so instead of my usual salty sailor speak, I called him a “mass flow meter.”

After a brief silence, during which he sacked my pixelated QB for an eight-yard loss, he barked back at me, “Who’re you callin’ a mass flow meter?” Good stuff, Paulie. Good stuff.